The evil vending machine

Some would call a vending machine evil for the food it has inside and the song it sings to those bored and still at work... not so in my case. I'm one of those women whom with little to no effort I can virtually eat what ever I damm well please and not really worry about it. Now I'm not saying I'm perfect, I got some pudge as I like to call it, if I actually got off my butt and ran even a mile or two a day I could be all toned and slender but seriously I'm just a lazy person who's never really had to do anything to stay bone thin and in the last few years when the pudge developed I've really just have excepted it for what it is and only get slightly motivated come spring/summer when I got to get my thick thighs into a bikini since I don't understand the concept of a one piece on the beach.

So back to the evils of the vending machine, you see I'm having a bad day, I'm coming off of a cold and I'm tired and cranky today, it's so not a people day for me! My husband called me at 7:46 this morning and told me that he's sick and decided to call in sick and he's headed home... we talked for 9 minutes... I haven't heard from him since. About an hour ago I finally called Big Joe (my disabled step grandfather inlaw) who lives next door to us.... the poor guy rolled himself out of his house down the ramp and into his driveway just to see if our car was in the driveway... which is was thank god... at least now I know Eric has made it home safely.... is he sleeping in the car? Did he make it inside? I do not know either of these questions... all I know is he should be leaving in the next 20 minutes to come and get me at 5:30pm... and I do not want to stay here a minute longer today.

So all I want is a king size Hershey bar... this is my junkfood of choice... I love the milky thick chocolate that melts in my mouth the moment I chuck a piece in... well both vending machines have almond bars... now you see I don't want one of those... and I won't buy one and just take the nuts out because that is missing chocolate! If I'm going to pay a dollar for candy I'm gonna get my moneys worth! So I decide on a pop tart... I don't particular like pop tarts but there are two pastries in the package and I feel that I get my moneys worth with them... so in slides my dollar and I hit F4 for the pop tart... my mouth begins to water for the Brown Sugar and Cinnamon goodness and then it stops... my tart is stuck half way! I just froze for a moment and just thought Oh fucking A what a shitty fucking day... I knew I should have went to the other machine! So then I start hip hitting the machine... the pop tart isn't even moving a milameter or whatever is the smallest possible meter on record... so then out of pure annoyance and fustration I start to just kick the machine... my hip hurts because stupid me didn't move my keys before I thrusted my hip into the plexie glass... so now I'm tired, nervous, worried, annoyed, irritated and my hip hurts so I just start kicking the damm machine... and still the stupid tart is as stubborn as I am and just stayed still....