Day 20, I've cheated.....

And so has my husband! I can't believe it's been 20 days already, it's amazing really that it's been that long, and even though we're cheating we're not smoking nearly as many as we used to! For a week or so I had some trouble remembering to take my welbutrin but i've been doing good lately (the last few days)... I think this weekend I'm gonna go for none at all and see how things go, with Eric being home by himself he's been smoking to many during the day... yesterday he smoked more than half a pack which is just WAY to much! So we need to fix that or he'll just go back!

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Let's see if it's as easy as it says........

9 days... 9 long days...

So my mind is filled with smoking... it's all I can think about. And it's amazing because I don't feel the need for a smoke... but I can't stop thinking about the damm thing, I want one, I don't need one... I just want one. This weekend was not very good for me, I can definatly see a difference, you see last week I kept screwing up on my welbutrin... I'd take it in the morning, but not at night or vice versa... well now 3 days of being good, morning and night and I don't have a craving for a smoke, except this mental need to have one! ERRRRRR

So my nephew is coming up on the bus today, he's staying through the week and we'll bring him to the party on Saturday and my sister will pick him up there... it should be a fun week, he's only 12 but he's my buddy, I used to take him everywhere when he was a toddler, at the time I was working at Chuck E. Cheese's so I would go in all the time with him and get free tokens and he would have a ball playing the games and going in the little rides and on the playscape thing they got... he can't wait to get in our pool! lol SO my sister who dropped him off for the bus (Bonanza bus line providence to Hartford) gave her this release form that she is required to sign since he is a minor... the biggest thing, if the desinated person isn't at the bus station within 15 mins of the bus arriving in Hartford a social worker will take my nephew into custody until a parent is able to get him... WOW! So Danielle had to show id (photo copied) and sign this release form and the ticket booth kept a copy... then she had to give the bus driver the release form and he had to sign it and give a copy to my sister... then when they get into hartford Eric will have to show ID and sign the release form, the bus driver gets a copy and hopefully Eric does... this is something we NEED to scrapbook! LOL I asked do they also want urine, blood and hair samples? I mean it's good, the bus driver will walk Ryan off the bus... he sits right behind the bus driver... it's all for security measures so you can't complain THAT MUCH but wow we were all just a bit shocked over the extent!

day 3- my life as a smoker

So ever quit smoking? It's a crazy thing to do... starting and stopping... I still remember my first ciggerette like it was yesterday. I was with my friend Astra behind her house, she grabbed two of her mother's ciggs and we lit up... generic 100's tasted like crap and we giggled our whole way through the smokes... then I started seriously smoking in 9th grade when I dated this A-hole that smoked, Marlboro Reds was my choice... then I met Ed who had asthma so I quit, I was only at about 5-10 a day so I just gave them up.... then Junior year we had a fight and broke up... I went out and bought a pack of smokes, Marlboro lights this time around... was up to a pack a day in almost no time.... smoked those for about 2 years then I decided to switch to GOD AWFUL newports... jeez what's the worst smoke you can ever have? other than lucky stripes or a non-filtered camel, well kids it's a newport. I killed many parts of my lungs smoking those for the 4-6 years I smoked those!

Then I met my husband who wouldn't share his camel cash and so I switched to Camel Menthol... holy crap can you say N-A-S-T-Y? Yup you got it, camel menthol, smoother than a newport but just has horrible! Smoked those for at least a year or two and then we finally got engaged... getting married! I come up with this crazy idea to quit smoking for our wedding date so that a year later when I wanted to start trying for a baby I would be totally smoke free!

Well that didn't work out to well. I tried everything and nothing seemed to work. I finally came up with the conclusion that I personally don't have enough will power to do it on my own... I need to have DH quit with me or the temptation is too strong and I'll fall back each time. Well the time is now and it's been 3 days! It's not that bad... I remember all the other times I tried to quit being much much harder than this! Maybe it is because we quit together, maybe it's just my time... but I almost don't even need a smoke right now! I kinda want one, but I don't need one... and it's not really even mental need or physical need for it. It's very simple just feels odd that I'm not smoking... I guess it'll go away in time but I feel odd getting into the car and driving somewhere and NOT smoking... last night after dinner we sat at the table and just talked... it felt odd to not stand up, put my dish in the dishwasher and walk outside for a smoke.

Wellbrutrin makes me happy

Well husband and i started on wellbrutrin as of Saturday... our quit date is 7-8-06... this should be an interesting weekend coming up! I'm a bit nervous and scared but we've gotta do it, we've gotta quit and just get it over with! So here we go with this, and hopefully with each other to go on we can over come this and be done with smoking for the rest of our lives! I am very positive with my outlook on this new adventure!
My house guests have driven me over the edge and back in the last 2 1/2 weeks, I am way beyond done and have simply given up (or given in). I no longer care what they do or say... if I allow it to effect me I turn into a bitch... if I try and let it roll off then I end up blowing up over something stupid... so now I don't care, as long as they don't harm my cats, fish or tortoise I just don't care. And you know what, these last 2 nights where I have given up, I haven't gotten to sleep quicker or slept better since they arrived! My mother keeps talking about her food, our food so I just said to her, well we will buy food to eat until we run out of money... (she refuses to go food shopping) so I told dh to talk to his mother... b/c if we run out of money then it's her who has to go without.... we'll go over FIL's house daily for dinner. She doesn't understand why we're complaining.... we buy $10 worth of chicken... it was gone in 2 days with 5 mouths eatting it... for DH & I that would last about 3 meals which each meal feeds us for 2-4 days... you do the math... but I've given up, I'm sick of the bickering and the irritation it gives me so I just don't care anymore... if we run out of chicken, we run out of chicken, they can eat an apple.