day 3- my life as a smoker

So ever quit smoking? It's a crazy thing to do... starting and stopping... I still remember my first ciggerette like it was yesterday. I was with my friend Astra behind her house, she grabbed two of her mother's ciggs and we lit up... generic 100's tasted like crap and we giggled our whole way through the smokes... then I started seriously smoking in 9th grade when I dated this A-hole that smoked, Marlboro Reds was my choice... then I met Ed who had asthma so I quit, I was only at about 5-10 a day so I just gave them up.... then Junior year we had a fight and broke up... I went out and bought a pack of smokes, Marlboro lights this time around... was up to a pack a day in almost no time.... smoked those for about 2 years then I decided to switch to GOD AWFUL newports... jeez what's the worst smoke you can ever have? other than lucky stripes or a non-filtered camel, well kids it's a newport. I killed many parts of my lungs smoking those for the 4-6 years I smoked those!

Then I met my husband who wouldn't share his camel cash and so I switched to Camel Menthol... holy crap can you say N-A-S-T-Y? Yup you got it, camel menthol, smoother than a newport but just has horrible! Smoked those for at least a year or two and then we finally got engaged... getting married! I come up with this crazy idea to quit smoking for our wedding date so that a year later when I wanted to start trying for a baby I would be totally smoke free!

Well that didn't work out to well. I tried everything and nothing seemed to work. I finally came up with the conclusion that I personally don't have enough will power to do it on my own... I need to have DH quit with me or the temptation is too strong and I'll fall back each time. Well the time is now and it's been 3 days! It's not that bad... I remember all the other times I tried to quit being much much harder than this! Maybe it is because we quit together, maybe it's just my time... but I almost don't even need a smoke right now! I kinda want one, but I don't need one... and it's not really even mental need or physical need for it. It's very simple just feels odd that I'm not smoking... I guess it'll go away in time but I feel odd getting into the car and driving somewhere and NOT smoking... last night after dinner we sat at the table and just talked... it felt odd to not stand up, put my dish in the dishwasher and walk outside for a smoke.